Spirit and Sex

Many seem to understand spirituality as something separate from all other aspects of life, at least in my culture. It is written into law that is is to be separate from governance (not that that stops proselytizers); the workplace cannot legally discriminate based on it; it's hard to imagine going shopping in the name of a god. Spirituality happens all neatly boxed away, in a special place at a special time, and then is forgotten.

A similar thing happens with sex. Even discussion of sex is of course inappropriate at work (except in the much-maligned field of sex work); scientific inquiry tends to shy away from the subject (even causing many relationship therapists to be misinformed, much to the detriment of sexual health); sex in a church, even after another group owns the building, is inherently transgressive (but that same church will make excuses for the worst abuses of its authorities). This culture likes to pretend like sex is shut away in the privacy of a bedroom, but the energies and practices seep out anyway. Researching for a trip, I read many people asking questions about whether they could wear their butt plug through TSA. Deviant though I am, I was surprised — I suppose I already have enough anxiety around that bigot-magnet security theater — but this is just one way sex makes its way into "ordinary" life.

If wei — and you — are going to have sexual energy, we may as well use it. Supressing it is as likely to work out well as supressing other feelings: not very. So, wei make no secret of the fact that some of us have leveraged D/s dynamics to support becoming the people we want to be. The easiest isto grasp is our "sweets rule": just like a dom might control the junk food intake of their sub, some of our subs have agreed to ask their internal dom for permission before eating sweets. Nowadays, the subs themselves are being more mindful of their junk food intake and often dissuade themselves from the impulse to eat a sweet for cheap dopamine. (Though they don't hold themselves back from asking when they really want to enjoy a treat!). And of course the D/s relationships come with their fair share of intimacy and sex — that is the motivator that has made it stick.

What do you want to be?, healthier?, braver?, more outgoing?, less lustful?? Whatever it is, there might be a way to turn your basic sexual drive to your advantage. That's something that a lot of spiritual traditions miss out on, because — of course — spirituality is tucked away in its own little box.